Thought for Food

You know that “V” that men have, where the abs give way to the groin? Hot, right? Manly.

So why does Tracy want me to have one? (She calls it “that V shape you’ve always wanted.”)

In my (super-official, one-man) survey I learned that 100% of men do not want an abdominal “V” on their special lady friend.

I’m curious — what do you think?

Eat your greens!

Yesterday evening, I had Andrea over for dinner & a workout (the very-January answer to December’s cocktails & more cocktails). We did Tracy’s ass-kicking treadmill workout, followed by her abs & arms routines. And then we sat down to a meal befitting our healthy intentions: Greens Pie (more on that in a moment), Satur Farms arugula (the very best in the NYC region) with Villa Manodori balsamic vinegar (amazing stuff), olive oil, and Bulgarian feta, and roasted beets. Oh, and a bottle of 2008 El Chaparral de Vega Sindoa Old Vines Garnacha Navarra from Tinto Fino, a charming Spanish wine store on 1st Avenue. (Even Tracy drinks wine. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.)

Greens Pie is a dish passed on to me from Audrey Arner, the proprietress of Moonstone Farm in Minnesota (read an article I — er, make that my former boss — wrote about her here). It’s a mess of hearty greens bound with just a touch egg and cheese and baked in a pie crust. I learned the “recipe” from my mom who was the lucky witness to Audrey as she made the pie last summer with greens straight from her kitchen garden. She fell in love with the results — and I’m willing to bet you will, too. Even my kid cousins loved it.

I say “recipe” because like many good, simple foods, there is none. That said, this is the basic how-to. Feel free to experiment at will.

Two Greens Pies

The way I figure is: if you’re going to make one, make two; they’re excellent as leftovers, and frozen pie shells come in packs of two.

• 2 frozen 9” pie shells, preferable whole wheat (I used Wholly Wholesome Organic Spelt shells — really wonderful, flaky and subtly nutty)
• 4 bunches of fresh greens (any type of kale, collards, chard, spinach, or the like), cleaned and chopped into 1” strips
• 1 - 1 1/2 cups grated Parmesan or Romano (or another type of cheese entirely, perhaps crumbled feta or fresh chevre)
• 2-3 eggs (use less eggs and cheese — or none at all — if you’re feeling particularly holy)
• 1 small yellow or white onion, diced
• 2 tablespoons minced garlic
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt & pepper, to taste

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Bring a big pot of water, liberally salted, to boil. Add the greens, cover the pot, and cook for 5 minutes, then drain the water with a colander. Allow the greens to cool slightly before chopping very finely.
2. Heat the olive oil in a big saute pan over medium heat. Add the onions and a big pinch of salt, and saute until tender, about 7 minutes. Add the garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the greens, two big pinches of salt, and saute for 15-20 minutes, until the liquid in the greens has cooked off.
3. Remove from heat and let cool a bit. Whisk the eggs in a separate bowl. Add cheese and eggs to greens. Taste and add black pepper and salt as needed. (If you’re squeamish about tasting something that has raw eggs in it, taste before adding them, but after adding the cheese.)
4. Transfer the greens mixture to two frozen pie shells and smooth the tops. Bake for 45 minutes. I like to serve the pies just above room temperature but of course they are good hot — and cold, for that matter.

Today, in a fit of masochism, I decided that my mindless TV companion to Tracy’s dance cardio would be Glenn Beck (it’s normally “Glee” or some Bravo reality show, so I was really dummin’ things down — but hey, laughter burns calories. Anger does, too).

I made it 14 minutes before I had to change the channel. But in that time I did learn about this cool poster which Glenn warned MAY BE IN YOUR CHILD’S CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW.

Glenn mimed barfing after he read the pledge. Every little gesture is OVER THE TOP and TO THE MAX, every syllable is played for the cheap seats in the back. I don’t think his parents loved him enough.

Lady Goo-Goo Ga-Ga

Like elephants, Tracy has become my “thing.” People send me all sorts of Tracy-related news and videos, including this one, in which I learned that her “baby food diet has been a cult-obsessive thing for a long time” among her celebrity clients (and will soon be available to plebes through a “food delivery system,” which sounds freaky, but let’s move on).

She explains that she was inspired by the fact that we feed babies every couple hours, to keep them healthy and (more importantly) happy. Everyone knows the “grazing” approach is important for achieving and maintaining a healthy weight — but c’mon, a baby food diet? Even in the short term (as the diet is meant to be followed)?

My first thought was Oh lord. I knew Tracy had to be over-compensating when she was constantly insisting that she eats a lot. (Don’t you hate when celebs do that?) But upon further reflection, I have to agree that the approach makes sense in the short term: if you can give up your desire for, y’know, texture, you can consume a lot of veggies with very little else (i.e., fat and salt), in baby food puree form — so long as you use flavorful seasonings and good ingredients (perhaps adding pureed nuts for protein?). And the thickness of puree means you feel fuller faster (just as smoothies do).

I should know. My throat is constricted and sore so I’ve been eating soft things from our Thanksgiving leftovers: celery root and apple puree with a drizzle of white truffle oil, and a mash-up of Holst’s creamy, Parmesan-y broccoli puree and Andrea’s relatively saintly, low-fat turnips (pictured above). Note the baby-sized portion. I’ll be eating more in an hour or two.

Of course, I’ve also had slices of pumpkin bread and chocolate-whiskey cake, so moist they almost slide down the throat — plus a near-daily Ramos — but that’s why I do Tracy six. effing. days. a week! ;)

Point is, as a short-term diet, the baby food approach sounds pretty smart to me. Maybe not Baby Einstein smart, but smart.

Not to say I’ve been completely lazy. Three loads of laundry, 45 minutes of Tracy, and a boozy brunch are accomplishment enough.

Mayahuel did a “friends and family” debut of Sunday brunch service. !Que rico!

Sarah, mi amor, we’ll have to go sometime soon and get you a Bloody Maria. With mezcal, tequila, and sangrita, I think it’ll give the winners on your list a run for their money….