Anonymous said: I've followed your site for awhile, and have recently moved to NYC. Wondering if you have any tips for a (New) New Yorker? Good dentists, doctors, gyms, etc.
Welcome! New York is just the fucking best. I hope you love it here.
I don’t particularly like my dentist but readers/friends told me the NYC dentists they love (and none of them were in my network). Maybe these work for you?
If you’re a lady, I absolutely loved my old gynecologist, Dr. Mulligan, (lots of my friends go to her — a kind of sisterhood of ladyparts), but then she also went out of network. Readers/friends suggested these as replacements. I’m currently going to CityScape, a group practice, and since I’m pregnant I am there a lot. They’re fine; professional; don’t keep you waiting; etc. If you go there, I’d recommend Dr. Rosenberg, Dr. Halpern or perhaps Dr. Warsheki, who is new to the practice.
I haven’t stepped foot in a gym since I discovered Tracy Anderson more than 6 years ago but I do take machine Pilates classes at Sal Anthony Movement Salon, the loveliest Pilates joint in the city. If you go, take one of Sylvia’s classes, which are very Tracy-esque in their challenge-level and creativity. I love her so much.
I absolutely love Tomo the handsome hairstylist, as does everyone I’ve recommended him to. He just switched over to a new salon: Kiyora. I hope he still charges $80 — my sister and I both have appointments tomorrow; I’ll update this post to let you know.
Here’s a random recommendation: it took me years of living in NYC to get up the nerve to try a Chinese massage parlor. While I can’t vouch for them all, for the most part they are clean, non-sketchy, CHEAP, and they hit the spot. I go to Nie’s on East 4th Street for regular massages.
Ai Hin the clever panda apparently faked a pregnancy to receive better digs and more bamboo
Shit they found me out.
Anonymous said: Can you share more of your wisdoms re: insecure boy behavior? They are such a GD mystery! How can you tell an assclown from one with potential? I can burn a bridge faster than an unreturned text message. Thanks for your candor, it's medicine! xo
Candor can be medicine, can’t it? Well I don’t know if this qualifies as wisdom but I do subscribe to the he’s just not that into you philosophy. A guy who’s in it to win it is unmistakable. A guy who’s not is also unmistakable (as you said in your other message — you already know the answer to the question).
M. and I were talking about this last night and he said something he’s said often recently — I always knew we’d get married and start a family. And I knew it, too. (We uh had sex for the first time 10 years to the day after I lost my virginity and this was so significant to me because a. I am a fucking NERD and b. I knew he’d be the last.) However: we put each other through hell. I regret all the time we wasted fighting.
But through it all, I knew he wasn’t an assclown. I wasn’t 100% sure we’d ever get our shit together, but I knew we both wanted to. We always turned back to each other. Without that, it would have ended long ago.
So, either that’s happening for you now or it isn’t. You know what to do.
(And please be sure you really, really like him. That you delight in him, even. That is the most sure sign of potential I know.)
Anonymous said: Were you ever a screwball with the menfolk? You seem so calm, confident & collected. I can't imagine you ever engaging in insecure girl behavior, like hanging around for a bad boy, or any of the other dipshit things that women sometimes do as we learn to navigate relationships.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
Can I direct you to this post about the time I lost my virginity to a boy and then gave him A GLASS CHERRY and then he broke up with me (the only sensible response) and I, while attempting to stalk him, knocked over a fire hydrant with my dad’s car and it cost me more than $1,000 (plus my dignity)?
Or perhaps I should tell you about my quote-unquote “first love,” freshman year of college, who also broke up with me — um, WHILE HAVING SEX WITH ME — and whom I also attempted to stalk but this time I did so by signing into his AIM account and then got totally busted when his friend saw him on it but knew he was at the library as part of a frat hazing ritual and he called me out and so I grabbed my friend Liz and we RAN to the library (skulking along the back routes) so that we could be seen in front of it, like, NOPE, COULDN’T HAVE BEEN ME.
Or any of the boys I had desperate crushes on from age 8 to 18, dressing for them, obsessing over them, cataloging their glances and passing remarks as though they could possibly mean something. (My diaries and journals from these years are an absolute treasure trove of shame, pain, and laughs-through-the-tears.)
There’s a reason my dad had to teach me the "two fingers" — because I was the girl who absolutely clobbered the boy with my feelings long before he deserved them. Or, uh, expressed any interest.
And the mistakes didn’t end there. I’ve made a slew of them with M. It took us, oh, about five years to get to a place where we feel truly secure with each other, and that had a lot to do with my insecure girl behavior — as well as his insecure boy behavior because mark my words, we are all just alike under the skin.
I don’t know anyone whose romantic history is not littered with mistakes.
I’m sure my romantic future still holds a few.
But I’ve learned my lesson about stalking.
I am much, much better at it now.
This bitch cracks me up.